Someone cares about you...
Knock. Knock. Who's there? It's the Mr. FedEx Man. What could he be bringing to our home? I haven't ordered anything in ages. It must be Eric's meds from hospice. I figured his nurse must of ordered something for him and the Fed Ex guy was dropping it off. So, I opened the door to grab the box and guess what? It wasn't for Eric. It was for me. Oh my gosh!? What the..wait, who's it from? Scrapsupply..hmmmm..what's going on here? I quickly opened the box and look what I found. Yep, you see that stuff in the pic? That's just some of it. Scrapsupply generously supplied me with some scrapbook goodness and a heartfelt card with the words "Someone Cares About You". Part of the shipment was even wrapped in Christmas paper. I just about cried. I couldn't believe it..here I was having a terrible mornen' and this box came to brighten my day. The timing couldn't of been better. So, I'm sending out a huge thank-you to the thoughtful people over at Scrapsupply for the items I received today....including the hand-made sympathy card. I'm truly grateful..and blessed to know that support extends beyond the walls of my home...beyond the boundaries of my state..and from places and hearts I've never been or known. Thank-you so much.
It was a very difficult day for me today, but I want to start this entry off with an update on Eric. Eric hasn't shown any real significant changes or losses in the last week or so. He's actually awake for longer periods of time and his cognitive function has improved some. His awareness level has also improved. We've been seeing and hearing a lot more from Eric these last few days. I've even caught him wondering the house without me knowing it..just a few nights ago the guy was cleaning his coffee machine. I was so impressed. Of course, this doesn't go without saying that Eric continues to get weaker physically. He's experiencing muscle wasting. Because he's not actively walking around as much, his muscle weight is decreasing. This makes it harder for him to function like we do. He just doesn't have the energy or the strength that he used to have when he was a healthy guy. He also lacks coordination, which makes it difficult for him to navigate a path easily. These are a few of the changes we've been seeing in Eric...more later.
Right now, we're taking the good with the bad..appreciating each second we have with him. Just last night I soaked up some time with Eric. We sat side by side on the couch and ate Klondike bars together like two big kids totally in love. These moments are rare and when they happen, I tell myself not to forget them. Here I am recording it...I don't want to forget. We also held each other's hand today. So sweet. It's these small, precious moments that define us..not the cancer or the changes. It's the stuff I try to focus on in the midst of the chaos that surrounds us. Taking the good with the bad. Focusing more on the good. That's how we're surviving.
Today was a rough day for me. I can't specify details, though this sort of experience doesn't come without arguments. I've had many in my day these last few months. They're draining and for the most part, unproductive (some are productive..not all). They leave me feeling exhausted beyond repair. If I can avoid them, I do. I couldn't today. It was just one of those days. It was a big one too...it almost sank me. Sank me deep. Kathy came to my rescue once again (MIL)..thank goodness. We had a nice long chat and she provided me with some helpful feedback and a bitty bit of comfort. Love her for that. Just glad to have the day over now. A full night sleep awaits me. Take care.
