There are three photos that sit above my bed on my wall. The photos were captured a month or so before Eric died by a photographer friend of mine, Krysten. I remember how exhausting it was for us to get to the studio to have those photos taken. We almost didn't make it. I was at a major breaking point emotionally, Ethan was still very young, and Eric wasn't physically able to care for himself anymore (which meant I would have to get everyone ready, including Eric-which could of easily taken hours). It was Eric's family that ended up at our house to help get Eric ready for the photo session. I got Ethan and myself ready ten minutes before leaving the house. I still don't recall how we managed to get to the studio. I believe it was Eric's mom that drove us there, but even after getting there, I desperately wanted to go back home and forget about the world. At this point, our lives were no longer our own. Nothing belonged to us and we didn't get to decide as a family what we wanted and what we didn't want. We lost all independence those last few months before Eric died. Not only did we lose our independence, we lost the ability to shape and live out our lives as a family. It was a foreshadowing of the ultimate loss I would face after losing Eric on January 5, 2008. Our family dynamic changed immediately after losing Eric. It was crushing and to this day, I still can't figure out what "family" really means for us. Looking at those photos above my bed can bring on a multitude of feelings. Lately, I've had feelings of anger, frustration, and sadness when looking at the photos. I want so badly to have him back in my life. I think, "Why me? Why us? Why our family?" Eventually, the anger translates into sadness and then I want to completely give up on life all together. This cycle finds me in the late hours of the evening when I'm tired and I can no longer deal with the issues of the day. I usually end up falling asleep half way into the grieving cycle. It's become an on and off late night routine for me. So, why not take the photos down? I've thought this myself, but I simply can't do it. They're like an open path to what was "us" so many months ago. They're photos of our family..the last ones taken of "us" together. Maybe someday I'll have created an entirely new life for myself and Ethan..the photos will seem less necessary. Right now, I need them..no matter how much grief they cause me at the end of the day. It's the only family I recognize and in a way, that brings me comfort.
I put a lot of my heart and soul into this page. It's about the struggle I've had in accepting my new reality as a single parent. Note the three photos above my bed.

I want to share a little bit about the creation of this layout. I worked with a muted color palette. It best represents the feelings and delicacy of the subject matter. I also brought in some soft textured elements for the same reason. This includes using the deep canary blue vintage velvet ribbon and the flowers above.
This shabby vintage looking ribbon is from May Arts. I purchased it at Archivers a month or so ago. It's perfect for the page. It's made of velour with a polyester backing. It's extremely soft and is of a perfect color.

Some of you have asked me how I layer so many elements on a single page. I don't always have answer, but I did think of this today while photographing this layout. Part of my goal while layering is to maintain order. How does one go about maintaining order with so many layers? Part of what I do when I'm piecing together a layout is to think of a layout like a puzzle..First I piece together paper, then I piece together photos, then embellishments, and so on. When I start laying down embellishments, like the stickers above, I try to create "mini mosaics". These mosaics need to work together. Each embellishment shares the company of another embellishment. They're of one large group with clear defining boundaries. The key is finding the perfect placement for your group of embellishments...It has to draw attention to your focal point, which is usually your photos. I know sometimes my layers can get in the way of my photos, but layers capture attention and help direct the eye around the layout.
Notice that in the above photo, I've created a mini sticker mosaic. Look how closely these elements sit next to one another. They fit together like a puzzle. Now, think of layering as one "big puzzle", but take into consideration the placement of your pieces. They need to fit in with the big picture. They also need to draw attention to your focal point.
Ohhhh ribbon. Need I say more? This cheers me up :)
Here's the layout I had intended on sharing with you a few days ago. You saw the close-up and here's the actual layout. Fourth of July was spent hanging out by the pool and soaking up the sun.
Finally get to share my last two Prima layouts here at my blog that I made for CHA. These were done up using Prima's latest Halloween line called "Little Boo" which will go live this week at CHA. I had an opportunity to play with it a little early and it was surely a lot of fun, especially while making friends with the big eyed owls and rhinestone crawly critters.
Ok, do owls say "Woot?" I think I got it wrong..laugh. I think they say "Hoot!" Oh well...so much for traditional owl speak. Woot! Woot!
This is a hybrid layout. The orange pattern paper and the large Halloween swirl are from Prima's new retail friendly hybrid/digital product line. I created the framed photo collage using Photoshop CS3 and printed it on 8.5" x 11" glossy photo paper before adding it to my layout. After adhering the photo collage to the layout, I cut out a small rectangle of transparency and adhered it on top of the large Halloween digitally created swirl. I added rhinestones to the transparency to further accent the appearance of the swirls.

Prima manufactures their very own line of clear acrylic albums. I took one of their large clear acrylic pages and used it on the layout as shown in the two photos above. I painted the backside of the acrylic page using watered down Making Memories Acrylic Paint. Believe it or not (I didn't think it would dry or stay put), it actually dried quickly and has sort of a water color effect to it. I was really glad this part of the layout turned out so well..totally unexpected and easy to do. I adhered it to the page using large Glue Dots. Before adhering the page to the layout, I trimmed the acrylic page with a large scissor so it would match the size I needed for the layout..it can be trimmed!
I would like to end this post on a lighter note..this little guy keeps me going every single day and I'm so grateful to have him in my life. He gave himself a spaghettio bath during lunch yesterday. Mom had a good laugh. I just love him to pieces. Smile.
I'll be back to post more right before I leave for CHA. Take care everyone! More later.