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Five-Year Anniversary :: January 5th, 2013

The church bell rang as we walked away. It's been five years since I last heard him say, "I Love You.". If you've ever lost someone, then you know the feeling. Time doesn't heal the heart. It doesn't take away the agony of loss. Loss simply becomes a part of you. You learn to live with it just as you do with anything else. Eventually, after enough time, it's impact is realized, and just like a puzzle, the big picture of your life comes together to reveal a certain truth. Strength is infinite. Survival is inevitable. Growth is real. Happiness is attainable again and again. Love is forever. How lucky each and every one of is to be alive. That is THE gift.

Eric's passing revealed to me that standing on my own two feet takes courage, but with it, comes immense reward. I'm capable of more. I found a confidence I never knew existed. I'm a wonderful, loving mother raising a beautiful son who is growing up fast and looking more like dad every day. I manage a sizable home and am able to keep it semi-clean, just enough to keep insanity at bay. Laugh. I juggle a fantastic, ideal job which falls into the categories of "rare" and crafty. I push hours around in libraries, managing piles of homework at the age of 35. How I ended up in school again, I've not a clue, but it's pretty darn unreal to have the opportunity so late in life. I maintain a pool of supportive, loving friends. Some have stayed. Some have gone. I'm ok with that. And finding love wasn't easy, but I did it. None of this would of happened had I not suffered the loss of a soul mate. The inevitability of pain brought growth, and in it's embrace, I reached for the stars. I think I did ok.

Today, I want to celebrate the man that made me into who I am at this very moment. The three words he lived by were: Love, Patience & Respect. Eric loved, unconditionally, the people close to his heart, but what stood out to me more was that he gave everyone the benefit of the doubt. Unless someone proved themselves incapable of being a good person, Eric believed in them. He was wholeheartedly a loving individual. He always put others first, no matter what. He was also patient to the point at which he'd not say a word in regards to life's greatest challenges. He stood up to them, accepted them for what they were, and waited patiently. Every moment was an opportunity to exist "now". Awareness to Eric was as vital as breathing is to the rest of us. Patience was akin to awareness. Eric respected not just people, but even the world's Minute parts. He highly regarded life, mother nature, and all her beauty. Growing up a prolific camper, a wanderer of the woods, and a photographer, he sought to preserve and respect everything the world had to offer, including the people within it. I still recall his numerous stops to look at sunsets and storm clouds. He saw beauty every where he went. At the time, I hadn't wholly understood his personal philosophy, but now I get it. Love, Patience, and Respect is about living to the fullest, and that Eric did. He's an honorable, intelligent man with a BIG heart!! He gave me thirteen "AMAZING" years and forever, I'll be thankful. 

We love & cherish you, Eric. You passed January 5th, 2008 at 3:00pm after battling brain cancer a little over a year. You showed so much courage, was determined to beat the odds, and held strong until your last breath. Now, you're our guardian angel, with wings spanned above and around us always, protecting and guiding your small family as the journey continues. Thank-you, Eric. Miss you everyday.

Pre-Holiday Update + Much Thanks! + Gossamer Blue Sneak Peek

I know this place isn't nearly as updated like it used to be, but I'm settling into a blossoming relationship with a wonderful man, playing mom to a busy six-year-old Kindergartner, managing Crate Paper's dynamic design team and blog, and investing in an education that may turn graphic design (An upcoming Fine Arts program at River Falls - share more about it later) in the very near future. On top of that, the holidays are just around the corner. I've been doing quite a bit of shopping, crafting, decorating, and so forth. It's been a full schedule to say the least..and to top it off, CHA is early this year!! Crate Paper is soon to announce it's new design team, show off it's latest Spring/Summer collections and prep it's blog for the big excitement ahead!! Personally, I can't wait 'til you guys catch wind of the goods!! Keep on a'watching Crate's blog for further updates :)) So yes, lots of good stuff going on in my world :)

 Before catching you up on bits and pieces of my day-to-day life, I'd like to formally thank the many of you who've been following me on this widowhood journey and for showing support via your comments the last couple of posts. I never thought that I'd find love again, not a million years. My girlfriend Melody was right when she said, "Locating Mr.Right is like trying to find a needle in a haystack." I found that needle a second time around, and let me tell you, I feel immensely lucky. In the midst of loss, I realize now more than ever the significance of having someone to share the everyday with, to be supported and cared for by another, to be told "you're beautiful" unconditionally, and to enjoy and celebrate each and every moment given to you with that special someone. It doesn't hurt to have a guy around to fix the dryer or car either...I thank my lucky stars for that!! I'm going to keep thanking them, too...it appears that things really do change one way or another, life renews itself, and that starting over is just the beginning...THANK-YOU so much you guys!!

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Amongst the days spent preparing for the upcoming holiday, we started a new tradition this year; an advent calendar strung on twine from kraft bags, each containing a small gift or candy. Like the rest of the online population, I'm prone to influence every time I visit Pinterest. I caught onto the idea there and thought that Ethan would love it!! To fill all the bags, I randomly sought out small items at places like Target, Michaels, Dick Blick, Paper Source, etc. Most of the bags contained a small toy of some sort or an art knick-knack. In constructing the bags, I stamped tags to mark the days, and combined them with a small glass ornament, bakers twine and washi tape. I was able to complete the whole set-up in a few weeks time. It's been totally worth it, too!! It's the first thing Ethan inquires about upon waking up in the morning. He anticipates what's inside each bag and rips it open quickly! He then shares the newly prized possession with me right away and inquires about it's purchase location while smiling ear to ear. How fun it is to be a kid this time of year!! You can surely bet that next year will include another advent calendar - the new tradition turned out to be a HUGE success!! 

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Another activity partaken in recently was Ethan's SIXTH birthday!! We celebrated the event during Thanksgiving at my sister's place in Dresser, Wisconsin. She lives on a gorgeous farm surrounded by private woods, endless corn fields, and large expanses of blue skies with noteworthy sunsets. We spent half the day there with the rest of my family, including my two sisters (spouses & kids), parents (grandparents), aunts and uncles, and all the little kiddo's. There was delicious food, fun games, a present opening ceremony, traditional high calorie cake and so much more. A Happy Birthday indeed! :)

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When I mentioned "crafty" earlier on, I meant that I'd been scrapbooking on behalf of Gossamer Blue's January Kit. Have you spotted the Look Book yet? If not, I've posted it below. Click and peek at what's inside if you've a moment. There's an ample number of hints inside as to the kit's contents and it's winter-y warm color palette. This has probably been the most enjoyable kit to work with thus far!  I created a couple of surprise layouts from the brand new kit (each unique and different from the other), which is to premier in just nine days at the Gossamer Blue website and blog. Above is a look at what's to come - heavenly layers and lots of color!! And oh, don't let me forget to mention that there's ample amounts of GOLD in the kit, too!

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This is probably to be my last blog update before Christmas's arrival , so I'd like to take this time to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and of course, a Happy Holiday! I've definite plans to return next week with a full holiday update, so I'll see you then!